There’s been an 8 year break here on 902blog0 but luckily
this show only gets better with age, so you’re welcome. Those of us who blog here are now in our
early thirties, so we’re only like 5 year away from being the same age as Luke
Perry and Gabrielle Cart-whatshername when they played 16 year olds! I can’t wait until I’m old enough to play a
high schooler on Fox. I also should introduce myself, I’m Robyn a 90210 love to
hate-er from youth, and a new voice here.
As a hazing ritual, I’ve been giving the Cindy Walsh has an affair
episode to recap for my first blog.
Whatever. Grab a bottle of vodka,
we’re going in. Get ready for 46 minutes
I can never get back.
Peppy theme song… maybe this won’t be so bad. Hands down, my favorite part of these
original credits is Cindy and Jimbo power walking.
CLOSE UP, Cindy
taking off her rings (FORESHADOWING) Jim took Cindy to some fancy restaurant
and they had to wait 4-eva, and Cindy’s bitching about it and about how they’re
not in Minnesota anymore AND about how Jim has to work on their anniversary.
Calm down lady, can’t you appreciate anything.
She woos Jim into bed with her sexy long forest green night gown bed and
DEAR JESUS THE CHEST HAIR! Also, who
sexily unbuttons a pajama top like Jim did?
Don’t you just pull it of over your head? I’m beginning to understand
why Cindy may stray… Oh god, Cindy just pushed him away and asked to talk fist,
never mind Jim, I’m on your side now. He
leaves Cindy to go work. Hear that
Cindy, instead of talking to you, he’d rather do accounting work.
Walking to the car, Brenda
comments on feeling tension because “mom didn’t slice dad’s grapefruit”, come
on Jim get it together, your wife has to cut your grapefruit? Brandon said they’re married they’re supposed
to be crabby. Good one, Brandon.
West Bev, DJ auditions are happening, poor Scott is
encouraging David to audition, luckily Steve is there to knock David down a few
notches and say that he’s auditioning too.
Suck on that, Silver.
B&B are
approached by some lady who wants them to be in a twin study. I hope it’s about how one twin is awesome and
the other twin is terrible. Guess which
one you are Brandon (embarrassing admission time, when I was a stupid youth, I
used to have a crush on Brandon. I see the errors of my way, Steve is clearly
the best of this bunch). Brenda’s all
into because it’s a college study, where Brandon doesn’t want to be a guinea
pig but when he learns he gets $$ and time off from school, SIGN HIM UP.
Cindy’s with her maid at the nursery and some creeper takes
pictures of her. Cindy is legit making
her maid carry the hose and bunch of plants while she carries an empty watering
can. Turns out Cindy know the creeper,
it’s Glenn! GLENN! An old friend. She introduces her maid as her assistant…
sure Cindy, whatever you say. Glenn says
he didn’t know who Cindy was when he was taking her picture, which is weird,
but no one seems flustered by this man who takes secret pictures of women. NBD.
Glenn has stopped his traveling photographer job and settled
in LA. Cindy calls Jim “the same ol’Jim”
poor Jimbo. She invites Glenn to
dinner. Offering dinner and dessert
(wink wink).
Glenn is at the Walsh house regaling the family with stories
of his adventures to which Brendan offers up that “Tiananmen Square sounds intense,”
no shit fuck face. Moving on. Glenn tries to tell stories about how Jim
used to be cool and about how Glenn used to bang Cindy. Turns out Glenn introduced Jim and Cindy
therefore Glenn is responsible for the birth of the Walsh twins. KILL HIM NOW!
Jim goes off to work,
B&B go off since they have to wake up for their twin study in the morning
leaving Glenn and Cindy alone downstairs.
Glenn says he’d love to take their pictures because they’re twins, which
is stupid since they’re not identical so it’s just taking picture of siblings.
Going upstairs, Brenda says she thinks Glenn has the hots
for Cindy! Brandon is appropriately
horrified. Uh oh, it’s like 10:30pm and Cindy’s still not in bed! Jim is worried! He puts on his plaid robe of investigations
and sees Cindy and Glenn lying back and reminiscing on the couch.
Ooooh, according to Brenda, Cindy was up until 3am with
Glenn! B&B encounters some super
creepy twins at the research study, because duh, twins are creepy. Everyone
knows that.
Cindy’s on a
convertible date with Glenn. She’s
having the BEST time! She’s seeing all
these different people, like artists, and black people, and poor people!
Homeless people! Venice is amazing! Then end up in his studio where her scarf is
artfully placed across her shoulders, she’s critiquing his work and Glenn
starts critiquing her marriage (snap).
He’s putting doubt in Cindy’s mind…
Twin study time, ESP games!
They have to guess the playing card that the other twin is looking at.
Clearly B&B suck at this and the creepy blond twins are great at it. Brendon accuses them of cheating since he’s a
sore loser idiot. It all boils down to
the identical twins are totally samesies and B&B are total opposites.
Glenn and Cindy are
on a bridge in Venice and Glenn is putting the moves on. He invites her to his opening tomorrow and
Cindy says “We’d love to”. Oooh,
burn.
Cindy gets into bed
with Jim and she’s wearing a green face mask, like she doesn’t even fucking
care about making Jimbo happy! You can
cut the tension with a knife.
West Bev, David is
rapping. People legit throw things at
him. It’s my favorite part of the
episode!
Oh look, there’s
Kelly! Brenda invites her to Glenn’s art
opening and Kelly says Brenda could be a famous model. Don’t feed her lies, Kelly.
Cindy is getting
dressed for a fancy LA art opening in her very best Laura Ashley dress. B&B bitch to each other about how the
twin IQ test revealed Brenda is good at quantitative reasoning and Brandon is
“Mr. English”. Brandon is rip shit because he knows he’s supposed to be the
best and Brenda is supposed to be an idiot.
Jim calls Cindy and says he can’t go to the art opening because he has
to work late. Keeping that lady in Laura
Ashley isn’t cheap!
The 30 year old high
schoolers are talking about how Glenn is so cool, way to cool for Cindy
(fact). Glenn brings Cindy outside with
him two glasses of luke warm chardonnay in their hands. He tells Cindy how amazing she is, which really
confirms to me that Glenn has some sort of psychosis. Maybe this episode ends with him in an
institution. OH GOD HERE IT IS, he and Cindy make out. She’s wearing one of
those banana clip things in her hair. I
can’t even.
Kelly and Brenda are
hanging out in Casa Walsh and Kelly rightly brings up that she can’t believe in
the room full of beautiful women that Glenn would pick Cindy. Then Kelly and Brenda talk about the signs of
an affair and what’s it like being a child of divorce. Kelly doesn’t mention two Christmases, which
seems like a misstep.
Jim finally comes
home from crunching numbers and he and Cindy have a conversation about how all
Jim does is work and Cindy thinks it’s because he doesn’t want to hang out with
her, which seems accurate to me! Cindy
is walking downstairs and hears Kelly and Brenda talking about S-E-X and
marriage. Gross.
Over at twin study,
Brenda says Cindy didn’t even BUY Jim a grapefruit today! The twin study lady asks B&B about what’s
going on at home. Brenda says it used to
be “pretty cool” but then says it’s gone to shit and Brandon freaks out and
runs out.
Cindy’s maid comes in
and says something I can’t understand.
Glenn calls and leaves a fourth message on her machine. She’s conflicted.
B&B are
brainstorming ideas to save their parents marriage with Kelly and Donna. The brain trust is here. Brenda’s idea is to buy their mom slutty
lingerie and say it’s from their dad, which is the worst idea ever. Instead, they settle on a candle light dinner
that goes terribly. Urgh, Jim just says
he only has a vague memory of sex. I
can’t even recap this conversation. Basically he works too much and she feels
ignored. Jim walks out! Cindy leaves!
And ends up at
Glenn’s! In her station wagon! She shuts things down but he gives her the
creepy pictures he took of her at the nursery when she wasn’t looking.
Thanks?? Glenn’s argument is they’re
already having an emotional affair so might as well have real one. He asks…. Hasn’t she always wanted to know what
it’s like to make love to each other… and excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth. Cindy runs out and B&B see her running to
her car because they were coming over to get their pictures taken!
Cindy comes into the kitchen and she and Jim bond over some
story he wrote for a journal in college.
He talked about unfulfilled dreams and I got bored and refilled my vodka
glass.
Argh the twins come
down and they’re super cold to Cindy and call Jim “Big Guy” and they leave
without eating breakfast saying they’re nauseous and have lost their appetite
(because she’s having an affair, that’s the subtext).
Twin bonding in the
car over how they can’t fix their parent’s marriage. Wah wah.
Jim knows what the fuck is going on and tells Cindy he loves
her. Who knows why, seems like he had
the perfect out, but whatever. Oh SNAP, he doesn’t go to work, he goes to
Glenn’s house. Jim is going to throw
down. Ah, lame, there’s no throw down,
you just get Jim yelling at Glenn to respect his family and don’t fuck his
wife. He tells him to get his own damn
family. I don’t know Jim, missed
opportunity to toss them all of on someone else.
The DJ auditions
start with Donna, who’s terrible, then Steve, who’s freezes up when people look
at him, and then David SAVES him. Then
he raps and I think we’re supposed to be impressed…. I have no idea at this
point.
B&B are apologizing for being such terrible twins to the
woman who runs the study, but then they get this validations about how they’re
the wonder twins and I roll my eyes so far back in my head they get stuck.
Glenn comes over to the
Walshes and Cindy breaks it off and I could give a crap. Glenn is going to Canada, which sounds about
right. BYE GLENN! As he leaves he tells B&B that they’re a great family
that works well together. Stop pumping
their egos Glenn, they’re the worst.
They’re all hanging
out in the kitchen and Jim comes home early and whisks Cindy off for a night
away for their anniversary! Problem
solved! No more broken marriage.
Deep breath everyone, we’ve made it. Now go drink more vodka so you forget about Glenn
asking Cindy about making love.
