"The Same Old Jim"

There’s been an 8 year break here on 902blog0 but luckily this show only gets better with age, so you’re welcome.  Those of us who blog here are now in our early thirties, so we’re only like 5 year away from being the same age as Luke Perry and Gabrielle Cart-whatshername when they played 16 year olds!   I can’t wait until I’m old enough to play a high schooler on Fox. I also should introduce myself, I’m Robyn a 90210 love to hate-er from youth, and a new voice here.  As a hazing ritual, I’ve been giving the Cindy Walsh has an affair episode to recap for my first blog.  Whatever.  Grab a bottle of vodka, we’re going in.  Get ready for 46 minutes I can never get back.

Peppy theme song… maybe this won’t be so bad.  Hands down, my favorite part of these original credits is Cindy and Jimbo power walking.

 CLOSE UP, Cindy taking off her rings (FORESHADOWING) Jim took Cindy to some fancy restaurant and they had to wait 4-eva, and Cindy’s bitching about it and about how they’re not in Minnesota anymore AND about how Jim has to work on their anniversary. Calm down lady, can’t you appreciate anything.  She woos Jim into bed with her sexy long forest green night gown bed and DEAR JESUS THE CHEST HAIR!  Also, who sexily unbuttons a pajama top like Jim did?  Don’t you just pull it of over your head? I’m beginning to understand why Cindy may stray… Oh god, Cindy just pushed him away and asked to talk fist, never mind Jim, I’m on your side now.  He leaves Cindy to go work.  Hear that Cindy, instead of talking to you, he’d rather do accounting work.

 Walking to the car, Brenda comments on feeling tension because “mom didn’t slice dad’s grapefruit”, come on Jim get it together, your wife has to cut your grapefruit?  Brandon said they’re married they’re supposed to be crabby.  Good one, Brandon.

West Bev, DJ auditions are happening, poor Scott is encouraging David to audition, luckily Steve is there to knock David down a few notches and say that he’s auditioning too.  Suck on that, Silver.

 B&B are approached by some lady who wants them to be in a twin study.  I hope it’s about how one twin is awesome and the other twin is terrible.  Guess which one you are Brandon (embarrassing admission time, when I was a stupid youth, I used to have a crush on Brandon. I see the errors of my way, Steve is clearly the best of this bunch).  Brenda’s all into because it’s a college study, where Brandon doesn’t want to be a guinea pig but when he learns he gets $$ and time off from school, SIGN HIM UP.

Cindy’s with her maid at the nursery and some creeper takes pictures of her.  Cindy is legit making her maid carry the hose and bunch of plants while she carries an empty watering can.  Turns out Cindy know the creeper, it’s Glenn!  GLENN! An old friend.  She introduces her maid as her assistant… sure Cindy, whatever you say.  Glenn says he didn’t know who Cindy was when he was taking her picture, which is weird, but no one seems flustered by this man who takes secret pictures of women. NBD.

Glenn has stopped his traveling photographer job and settled in LA.  Cindy calls Jim “the same ol’Jim” poor Jimbo.  She invites Glenn to dinner.  Offering dinner and dessert (wink wink).

Glenn is at the Walsh house regaling the family with stories of his adventures to which Brendan offers up that “Tiananmen Square sounds intense,” no shit fuck face.  Moving on.  Glenn tries to tell stories about how Jim used to be cool and about how Glenn used to bang Cindy.  Turns out Glenn introduced Jim and Cindy therefore Glenn is responsible for the birth of the Walsh twins.  KILL HIM NOW!

 Jim goes off to work, B&B go off since they have to wake up for their twin study in the morning leaving Glenn and Cindy alone downstairs.  Glenn says he’d love to take their pictures because they’re twins, which is stupid since they’re not identical so it’s just taking picture of siblings. 

Going upstairs, Brenda says she thinks Glenn has the hots for Cindy!  Brandon is appropriately horrified. Uh oh, it’s like 10:30pm and Cindy’s still not in bed!  Jim is worried!  He puts on his plaid robe of investigations and sees Cindy and Glenn lying back and reminiscing on the couch.

Ooooh, according to Brenda, Cindy was up until 3am with Glenn!  B&B encounters some super creepy twins at the research study, because duh, twins are creepy. Everyone knows that.

 Cindy’s on a convertible date with Glenn.  She’s having the BEST time!  She’s seeing all these different people, like artists, and black people, and poor people! Homeless people!  Venice is amazing!  Then end up in his studio where her scarf is artfully placed across her shoulders, she’s critiquing his work and Glenn starts critiquing her marriage (snap).  He’s putting doubt in Cindy’s mind…

Twin study time, ESP games!  They have to guess the playing card that the other twin is looking at. Clearly B&B suck at this and the creepy blond twins are great at it.  Brendon accuses them of cheating since he’s a sore loser idiot.  It all boils down to the identical twins are totally samesies and B&B are total opposites.

 Glenn and Cindy are on a bridge in Venice and Glenn is putting the moves on.  He invites her to his opening tomorrow and Cindy says “We’d love to”.  Oooh, burn.

 Cindy gets into bed with Jim and she’s wearing a green face mask, like she doesn’t even fucking care about making Jimbo happy!  You can cut the tension with a knife.

 West Bev, David is rapping.  People legit throw things at him.  It’s my favorite part of the episode!

 Oh look, there’s Kelly!  Brenda invites her to Glenn’s art opening and Kelly says Brenda could be a famous model.  Don’t feed her lies, Kelly. 

 Cindy is getting dressed for a fancy LA art opening in her very best Laura Ashley dress.  B&B bitch to each other about how the twin IQ test revealed Brenda is good at quantitative reasoning and Brandon is “Mr. English”. Brandon is rip shit because he knows he’s supposed to be the best and Brenda is supposed to be an idiot.  Jim calls Cindy and says he can’t go to the art opening because he has to work late.  Keeping that lady in Laura Ashley isn’t cheap!

 The 30 year old high schoolers are talking about how Glenn is so cool, way to cool for Cindy (fact).  Glenn brings Cindy outside with him two glasses of luke warm chardonnay in their hands.  He tells Cindy how amazing she is, which really confirms to me that Glenn has some sort of psychosis.  Maybe this episode ends with him in an institution. OH GOD HERE IT IS, he and Cindy make out. She’s wearing one of those banana clip things in her hair.  I can’t even.

 Kelly and Brenda are hanging out in Casa Walsh and Kelly rightly brings up that she can’t believe in the room full of beautiful women that Glenn would pick Cindy.  Then Kelly and Brenda talk about the signs of an affair and what’s it like being a child of divorce.  Kelly doesn’t mention two Christmases, which seems like a misstep.

 Jim finally comes home from crunching numbers and he and Cindy have a conversation about how all Jim does is work and Cindy thinks it’s because he doesn’t want to hang out with her, which seems accurate to me!  Cindy is walking downstairs and hears Kelly and Brenda talking about S-E-X and marriage.   Gross.

 Over at twin study, Brenda says Cindy didn’t even BUY Jim a grapefruit today!  The twin study lady asks B&B about what’s going on at home.  Brenda says it used to be “pretty cool” but then says it’s gone to shit and Brandon freaks out and runs out. 

 Cindy’s maid comes in and says something I can’t understand.  Glenn calls and leaves a fourth message on her machine.  She’s conflicted.

 B&B are brainstorming ideas to save their parents marriage with Kelly and Donna.  The brain trust is here.  Brenda’s idea is to buy their mom slutty lingerie and say it’s from their dad, which is the worst idea ever.  Instead, they settle on a candle light dinner that goes terribly.  Urgh, Jim just says he only has a vague memory of sex.  I can’t even recap this conversation. Basically he works too much and she feels ignored.  Jim walks out!  Cindy leaves!

 And ends up at Glenn’s! In her station wagon! She shuts things down but he gives her the creepy pictures he took of her at the nursery when she wasn’t looking. Thanks??  Glenn’s argument is they’re already having an emotional affair so might as well have real one.  He asks…. Hasn’t she always wanted to know what it’s like to make love to each other… and excuse me, I just threw up in my mouth.  Cindy runs out and B&B see her running to her car because they were coming over to get their pictures taken!

Cindy comes into the kitchen and she and Jim bond over some story he wrote for a journal in college.  He talked about unfulfilled dreams and I got bored and refilled my vodka glass.

 Argh the twins come down and they’re super cold to Cindy and call Jim “Big Guy” and they leave without eating breakfast saying they’re nauseous and have lost their appetite (because she’s having an affair, that’s the subtext).

 Twin bonding in the car over how they can’t fix their parent’s marriage.  Wah wah.

Jim knows what the fuck is going on and tells Cindy he loves her.  Who knows why, seems like he had the perfect out, but whatever. Oh SNAP, he doesn’t go to work, he goes to Glenn’s house.  Jim is going to throw down.  Ah, lame, there’s no throw down, you just get Jim yelling at Glenn to respect his family and don’t fuck his wife.  He tells him to get his own damn family.  I don’t know Jim, missed opportunity to toss them all of on someone else.

 The DJ auditions start with Donna, who’s terrible, then Steve, who’s freezes up when people look at him, and then David SAVES him.  Then he raps and I think we’re supposed to be impressed…. I have no idea at this point.

B&B are apologizing for being such terrible twins to the woman who runs the study, but then they get this validations about how they’re the wonder twins and I roll my eyes so far back in my head they get stuck.

 Glenn comes over to the Walshes and Cindy breaks it off and I could give a crap.  Glenn is going to Canada, which sounds about right. BYE GLENN! As he leaves he tells B&B that they’re a great family that works well together.  Stop pumping their egos Glenn, they’re the worst.

 They’re all hanging out in the kitchen and Jim comes home early and whisks Cindy off for a night away for their anniversary!  Problem solved!  No more broken marriage.  

Deep breath everyone, we’ve made it.  Now go drink more vodka so you forget about Glenn asking Cindy about making love.